Ghost of Darwin promoting tours of North Korea. Selectively.

I can’t improve much on of the latest American doofus to get himself arrested in North Korea, despite all my considerate public service warnings to stay the f**k out of there. For some people, neither ethics nor personal safety are good enough reasons to heed these.

In fact, some North Korea tour companies claim that arrests are good for their business. If this is true, it’s cause for us to reflect on how quickly the genetic blessings of natural selection fade once man triumphs over nature. One curse of a modern civil society is that the sort of people for whom the bright flashes and zapping sounds only make the light more alluring can survive, and tragically for us all, procreate. It’s futile to warn these people. They can’t hear you over the whispered vengeance of Darwin’s spirit, telling them how adventurous all their hipster friends will think they are after they come home. Now, fly to the pretty light. It’s kinder this way.

North Korea claims that its latest cull is one Miller Matthew Todd, but the tour company that sold him down the Taedong says his name is Matthew Todd Miller. North Korea also claims that Miller sought asylum in the North (Uri Tours claims to know nothing about this). If that’s true, the voices in Miller’s head could have belonged to just about anyone, although I hesitate to accept North Korea’s claim at face value.

As G.I. Korea points out, Miller was actually detained two weeks ago, but North Korea only announced the arrest now, to coincide with President Obama’s visit to Seoul. This is interesting, because the U.S. Criminal Code’s definition of “international terrorism” includes “violent acts that … would be a criminal violation if committed within the jurisdiction of the United States, [and] appear to be intended … to affect the conduct of a government by … kidnapping.” (I realize that the Foreign Assistance Act’s definition of terrorism is narrower, but it also arguably fits, given that kidnapping and hostage-taking are generally considered to be crimes of violence.)

North Korea was removed from the list of state sponsors of terrorism on October 11, 2008. Discuss among yourselves.

Uri Tours, the unethical tour agency that sold Miller his tour of North Korea, claims that it’s trying to get Miller released. Incredibly enough, Uri Tours still insists that it’s safe to visit North Korea, something Uri Tours isn’t in a position to say. Assurances like these become null and void the instant North Korea decides to arrest a doofus or two in advance of a presidential visit or a nuke test. And if some tour companies say it’s actually good for business when tourists are arrested, you’re entitled to question how much urgency they attach to getting them released. Furthermore, any tour company that operates in North Korea knows that pushing the regime too hard for a customer’s release risks bankruptcy, or worse.

It’s tempting to write Miller’s detention off as a disguised act of mercy to our gene pool, but if (as seems likely) he’s mentally unstable, someone will whine loudly enough to force the State Department to bargain for his release. At some point, our government will either have to tell Americans that they enter North Korea at their own risk, re-invoke the Trading With the Enemy Act to ban transactions incident to travel to North Korea, or both.