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Category: Humor/Satire

March 13, 2017

North Korea calls U.S. Ambassador to U.N. “a political prostitute,” usual suspects fall silent

The regime that called President Obama a “wicked black monkey” and an “ugly subhuman,” and called Justice Michael Kirby “a disgusting old lecher with a 40-odd-year-long career of homosexuality,” has responded to Ambassador Nikki Haley’s statement at the U.N. last week that Kim Jong-un was not rational: KCNA Commentary Brands U.S. Representative at UN as Political Prostitute     Pyongyang, March 11 (KCNA) — The U.S. representative at the UN Haley known for her capricious political savvy has now gone helter-skelter.  ...
Categories Diplomacy/Useful Idiocy/WTF?
March 4, 2016

North Korea denounces “rubbish-like provisions” of H.R. 757

It is my great honor to report, if somewhat belatedly, that for the second time, North Korean state media have denounced something I had a part in writing. While searching the Korean Central News Agency for an article on UNSCR 2270, I stumbled upon this: A spokesman for the DPRK Foreign Ministry issued the following statement on Saturday; The U.S. is getting evermore frantic with the anti-DPRK campaign obsessed with inveterate hostility toward it. “2016 North Korea Sanctions Enforcement Act”...
Categories Unintended Humor/WTF?
February 24, 2016

Hey, China, let’s make a deal about North Korea. You’re going to love it.

Good morning, Vice-Minister Chen. I hope you enjoyed sampling our great country’s authentic cuisine at lunch today. If not, I keep a bottle of Pepto in my desk. As you know, the new Trump Administration is all about cutting government spending, although we know how to invest, too.  The neon signage and gold-leaf bathroom fixtures have been a yuuge morale boost here at Foggy Bottom. And yes, those are real diamonds on my pinkie ring. That was my annual bonus...
Categories China/Diplomacy/Humor/Satire
August 14, 2015

Is that a cabana you’re designing, or are you just happy to see me?

Curtis Melvin has made an unsettling discovery on Google Earth, at one of (probably) Kim Jong-Un’s palaces. Oh, my…. Hey, that looks just like …. As HRNK points out, this story has a less amusing side for the North Koreans who go hungry while His Porcine Majesty spends their lunch money on giant phalluses, and other “improvements” to his palaces.
Categories Humor/Satire/Kim Jong Un/Unfortunate photo ops/WTF?
December 3, 2014

So I guess naming your dog “Kim Jong Un” is a definite no-no.

North Korea has ordered its people not to use the name “Kim Jong-un” in a bid to protect the supreme authority of the current leader, according to Pyongyang’s official document confirmed Wednesday. In January 2011, then leader Kim Jong-il issued a decree urging people with the same name to change it “voluntarily.” As North Korea is regarded as a totalitarian state, it is unclear whether the decree was actually voluntary. [Yonhap] Oh, it seems clear enough to me. When I...
Categories Kim Jong Un/WTF?
October 25, 2014

Charm offensive! N. Korean “diplomats” call Botswana’s UN Ambassador a “black bastard,” laugh at testimony of gulag survivors

Discussion about North Korea’s crimes against humanity is accelerating so quickly that it’s becoming difficult to keep up with it all. Last week, among other events, diplomats from Australia, Panama, and Botswana–which severed diplomatic relations with North Korea after the Commission of Inquiry published its report–held a Panel Discussion on human rights in the North. Not surprisingly, Botswana’s U.N. Ambassador is the latest target of North Korea’s racism, according to Vice News: At one point, members of the North Korean...
Categories "United" Nations/Human Rights/Racism/WTF?
October 9, 2014

North Korean official, asked about human rights problems, cites … lack of public baths.

And even this is really the fault of imperialist sanctions, which prohibit the import of “luxury goods” to North Korea: When the North Korean officials at the U.N. briefing were asked Tuesday to identify human rights problems in their country, Choe Myong Nam, a North Korean responded, “We need some facilities where people go and enjoy a bath… Right now, due to problems in the economic field — that is due to the external forces hindrance — we are running...
Categories Human Rights/North-South/WTF?
August 17, 2014

I’m sure the “so-called pope” meant no offense, but if KCNA hadn’t norksplained it for me …

I would not have seen it from this perspective: “We would like to ask the pope why he set about his south Korean trip the day when we are making latest tactical rocket test-fire according to our regular plan though there are a lot of days in the year.” Of course, given His Porcine Majesty’s crowded launch schedule and the absence of forewarning, it’s not exactly easy for His Holiness to squeeze in a visit to Korea in between. Sounds like the rockets were...
Categories Anju Links/NK Military/WTF?
July 16, 2014

Cracked on growing up in, and escaping from, North Korea

When I was a kid, I considered Cracked to be the Phantom Menace of humor magazines, a lame knockoff of Mad that could never be as good as the original. In the online age, Cracked matured into something funny and intelligent, and often seems to be better researched than many news sites. The other day, commenter “kcr” pointed me to this piece about North Korea in Cracked, co-authored by Michael Malice, and I was favorably impressed. In my recent interview on the CBC, I talked about the...
Categories Humor/Satire
May 12, 2014

N. Korea doubles down on racism (plus, our latest op-ed at CNN.com)

Evidently, North Koreans are unfamiliar with The First Rule of Holes:     Pyongyang, May 12 (KCNA) — The spokesman for the DPRK Foreign Ministry gave the following answer to a question put by KCNA on Monday accusing U.S. officials of pulling up the DPRK over its residents’ criticism of Obama reported by its media:     The resentment expressed by individuals of the DPRK at Obama recently was a proper reaction to him who malignantly insulted and slandered the dignified DPRK during his...
Categories Propaganda/WTF?
May 7, 2014

Really? North Korea called President Obama “a wicked black monkey”? (Update: It’s worse than that; Update 2, now with full translation)

Oh, yes they did: Park made waste water-like reckless remarks slandering the DPRK’s line on simultaneously developing two fronts after inviting her American master reminiscent of a wicked black monkey to visit south Korea on April 25…. The people are unanimous in deploring the fact that there is no remedy for curing Park’s mental disease as she has gone so mad with hurling mud at the nuclear deterrence of justice which the fellow countrymen in the north have had access...
Categories AP Watch/Diplomacy/Racism/WTF?